the hero pg
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the hero pg
Teri had just woken up to see his mother crying. Apparently his father had been sent to war. Teri felt terrible yet he couldn't help ,but admire his father. Teri wanted to join his dad so he snuck out of home late into the night to find the army. While running he ran into a ninja with a Beedrill (pokemon and naruto will be included). They began a Pokemon battle Teri sent out his Aipom.With a quick swift Teri won and ran trough a dense forest.There into Sakura Haruno.No one except Aipom knew Teri's feelings for Sakura. ''Watch it idiot'', Sakura yelled. Sorry. Where are you going to the army zone to find my dad want to join?''Okay'', replied Sakura
Next: Orichmaro's army and Sakura's Deception please note this story will not be that long but still action packed
So keep reading:study:
Next: Orichmaro's army and Sakura's Deception please note this story will not be that long but still action packed
So keep reading:study:
ali/mew- Genin
- Number of posts : 47
Registration date : 2007-09-03
Re: the hero pg
hmmmmmmmmm its ok ill give a 7/10 only because 1. nothings perfect and 2. you need to spread things out take longer time on the battles etc.
Re: the hero pg
Awful. To short, no description, and just plain boring. Work on your punctuation, capitalization, and depth. 2/10
Wonderous Uber_Faggot- Guardian of Thunder
- Number of posts : 78
Age : 30
Location : MN
Registration date : 2007-08-06
hero
Thanks
Teri and Sakura ran for what seemed hours. Both of them were exasted so the took a nap.After a couple of hours they were awoken by a Seedot that was all alone .Teri stood up at his chance and sent out Aipom. After an intense battle of Swift verses growth repedativly Teri sent out a pokeball. After about a minute of bouncing the Pokeball finally caught Seedot.Sakura was amazed as Teri out of love gave her the Seedot to keep.Sakura cried and thanked Teri. They continued the walk through a giant mountain.After hours they finally reached the top of the rugged mountain. They looked to the horizon to see Orochimaro leading a huge army including Teri's dad,they were under a mind control jutsu. Orochimaro spotted them so he teleported them to where he was standing moments ago.Orochimaro said to Sakura '' Join me or your friend will die''.(Falling in the Black by Skillet plays) ''Okay I'll join you just don't kill Teri'',Sakura said. Orochimaro aggreed. ''NO'' , Teri screamed. Soon Sakura's dress turned into and Orocimaro belt. Orichimaro sent a mind control justsu and ordered her to kill Teri.Sakura sent out Seedot folowed by shurikens at Teri. Teri used the Fire Ball Jutsu Sakura taught him and he sent out Aipom.They were both seriously injured, but Teri kept fighting to save Sakura. Keep going as he sent out a clone jutsu of a million Teris.
Teri and Sakura ran for what seemed hours. Both of them were exasted so the took a nap.After a couple of hours they were awoken by a Seedot that was all alone .Teri stood up at his chance and sent out Aipom. After an intense battle of Swift verses growth repedativly Teri sent out a pokeball. After about a minute of bouncing the Pokeball finally caught Seedot.Sakura was amazed as Teri out of love gave her the Seedot to keep.Sakura cried and thanked Teri. They continued the walk through a giant mountain.After hours they finally reached the top of the rugged mountain. They looked to the horizon to see Orochimaro leading a huge army including Teri's dad,they were under a mind control jutsu. Orochimaro spotted them so he teleported them to where he was standing moments ago.Orochimaro said to Sakura '' Join me or your friend will die''.(Falling in the Black by Skillet plays) ''Okay I'll join you just don't kill Teri'',Sakura said. Orochimaro aggreed. ''NO'' , Teri screamed. Soon Sakura's dress turned into and Orocimaro belt. Orichimaro sent a mind control justsu and ordered her to kill Teri.Sakura sent out Seedot folowed by shurikens at Teri. Teri used the Fire Ball Jutsu Sakura taught him and he sent out Aipom.They were both seriously injured, but Teri kept fighting to save Sakura. Keep going as he sent out a clone jutsu of a million Teris.
ali/mew- Genin
- Number of posts : 47
Registration date : 2007-09-03
Re: the hero pg
I'm not going to sugar coat it. At all. Not even the slightest bit.
Your writing skills are teh FAIL. They follow absolutely no plot, there is no reason to continue reading, etc.
Your spacing is teh fail as well. My eyes almost started bleeding while I read that.
Your writing skills are teh FAIL. They follow absolutely no plot, there is no reason to continue reading, etc.
Your spacing is teh fail as well. My eyes almost started bleeding while I read that.
Wonderous Uber_Faggot- Guardian of Thunder
- Number of posts : 78
Age : 30
Location : MN
Registration date : 2007-08-06
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